kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
