Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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