I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
