We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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