oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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