he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
