they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize