just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
