Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize