Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
