I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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