And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
