google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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