Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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