In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
