I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
