is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
