I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
a search helicopter?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize