yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
smell my finger.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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