Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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