Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's blow job season.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
