Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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