Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
