My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
