too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
