There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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