ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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