My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
