Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
