More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
