sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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