glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
