i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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