Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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