Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
