found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
