We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
