Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
