3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
