Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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