i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
