Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize