sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
