So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
