I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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