I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
