my sisters under your porch take her home
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize