I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize