Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
