matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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