I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
