my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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