You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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