I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
