I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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