Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
