when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
