Redeem this text for a blowjob
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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