I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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