was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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