And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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