okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
