Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
