If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
