I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
