drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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