I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
