My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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